Mail Call, Y’all
A Fool and His Money Department
First up, Lei Hwang. Poor fellah wants to give me 20 per cent of $35,500,000 . . . my goodness, that’s seven million clams! Why, that’d surely pay a few bills. Mr Hwang would like me to email his Yahoo China email address for more information on how I can a) help him move the funds from China, and b) collect my hard-earned percentage.
Apparently, the Nigerian Scam has moved eastward. I wonder if this development — worldwide competition in the extortion field — will result in changes to the tried-and-true text within the formula letter / email?
I mean, Charlie . . . sorry, ‘Charles’ . . . Brown’s offer of 35 per cent of $20,000,000 comes to the same figure, but wouldn’t you feel better scammed in the famed Nigerian Scam by a legitimate Nigerian?
As it stands, though, I needn’t help out disadvantaged criminals in Nigeria and China by sending them a comparitively small amount of money to receive seven million bucks; I seem to have won several lotteries.
Darned if I didn’t win GBP 860,641.28 in the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY (in draw #1046) held on “14th of December 2006”. I must contact Mr.David Nelson at his Yahoo UK address to get the ball rolling.
NOTE: ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ON THE PART OF ANY WINNER WILL RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION!
“RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION”? Oops. I breached. Nuts. There goes a perfectly good Â£860,641.28
“We wish you a hearthy congratulation once again.”
Fortunately, I won it again a few days later, though the chronology’s a bit confusing. This time, I lucked into Â£750,000 (in draw #963) held on “3rd January. 2007”.
Something must have happened to Mr David Nelson; I’m requested to send all sorts of personal information to “Mr. Collins John” at a different UK Yahoo address.
“The UK NATIONAL LOTTERY internet draw,” sez the email from coordinator “Saint Courage”, “is held once in a year and is so organized to encourage the use of the
internet and computers worldwide.”
We-e-ll, that “once a year” bit could prove problematic, ’cause “John Smith” informs me I won it yet again in draw #1152 held on “Saturday 06 January 2007” (“Â£2,500,000.00”, this time — whoo-hoo!), and I should contact “Robert Kings” with some personal information.
Lottery scams work along similar lines as the Nigerian Scam.
- Sucker is told he or she has big money coming
- To get the big money, sucker needs to send someone x dollars to “release the funds”
- Given that the x dollars is in the hundreds or the thousands, and the “funds” just aching to be “released” are in the hundreds of thousands (or millions) of dollars, sucker thinks this is a great deal.
- Sucker finds out the only funds released were those she or he sent the criminals.
Now, you would think that no-one would fall for this, given how long the general scam’s been bilking bucks from bozos, but there appears to be no shortage of bozos.
Take — f’rinstance — Alcona County (Michigan) treasurer Thomas Katona, who recently sent his life savings — and possibly over a quarter of the county’s annual budget — off to Nigeria. Mr Katona is currently in jail (he can’t afford the US$1 million bond) awaiting a hearing tomorrow.
Say . . . doesn’t Michigan have a state lottery?