September’s End

‘Good-hearted Guy’ Eaten by Pigs

It’s one thing to bite the hand that feeds you . . . and quite another to chow down on the feeder. Oregon farmer Terry Garner was consumed by his pigs on September 26. While it’s doubtful that the hogs conspired to take him down in a culinary ‘four-legs-good-two-legs-bad’ scenario, it currently isn’t known if Mr. Garner met with two-legged foul play before feeding the animals, or had a mid-chore health emergency.

Man Bites Dog

Also on September 26, a 20-year-old Pembroke, Ontario man in was apprehended in his boxers after gnawing on a pit bull’s head and back near the city’s Ecole Elémentaire et secondaire publique L’Equinoxe (once known, in ancient times, as Pembroke Senior Public School). As the doggy diner was escorted to the local hospital as per the Mental Health Act, his identity cannot be released. Oddly, ‘bath salts’ are believed not to be involved.

Bin Bites Man

On September 30, 53-year-old William Middleton managed to get his head stuck in a municipal Aberdeen, Scotland litter receptacle. During the 20 minutes he was trapped — he’d been looking for his hat, missing after he’d thrown away some garbage — onlookers giggled at the homeless man and took cell-phone photos. Fortunately, someone used their phone to call emergency services, and Mr. Middleton was extricated from the bin with an electric saw.