Whackjobs & Englishmen

Currently no-one’s certain why a gentleman last Sunday sought entry into a London restaurant’s kitchen to play with knives, but he managed to slice his wrist and hack off his . . . member . . . in the process. Police pepper-sprayed him while he was further ventilating himself in a dining area. He is currently in hospital sans penis, though Wise & Foolish has some concern about his reaction to hospital food.

. . .

Music legend (two Grammys) and legendary wife-whacker (. . .) Ike Turner is dead at 76.  Tina’s response came from her representative, informing entertainment site TMZ.com that “She has not had any contact with him in 35 years. No further comment will be made.”

Inhaling pig brains may be bad for you . . . at least at Quality Pork in Minnesota.

. . .

Winona Ryder does something unspeakable to a puppet (probably NSFW) here . . . indicating an interesting career direction.

. . .

Science Takes 13 Years to Suck all the Fun out of Checkers. (Nature)

. . .

Hyperspace Studios is having a Scratch Art competition for tattoo artists.  If you ink skin and know your way around a scratchboard, hop to it; the contest’s deadline is August 15.

What is it about spring and whackjobs killing students?

Today, an as yet unnamed shooter killed 33 people (including himself) at Virginia Tech University.  Horrific details which will be made manifest over the next few days, drawing comparisons to Columbine and the University of Texas’ famed tower.

The perpetrators of those, however, were pikers compared to a school trustee who resented a local school’s tax drain on his pocketbook.
Andrew P. Kehoe killed 45 people — the great majority of whom were children in grades two through six — with an enormous amount of explosives on May 18, 1927 in Bath, Michigan.  He and his wife — his first victim — are included in the count.

Pre-Fleming Goldeneye?
Would you believe a 5,000 year old eyeball?

The Crunchy Ones are the Tastiest
NYC Rats a la KFC et Taco Bell

More Furry New York Rodents
First Beaver spotted in NYC in 200 years. What . . . are short hemlines back in?

Is your Faux Fox or Fideaux?

‘Maybe it’s Just Me’ Dept
. . . but isn’t all this media interest in Anna Nicole Smith’s still-unburied corpse . . . um . . . unseemly?

Clowns Down
Two circus clowns shot while performing in Colombia are dead. The shooting apparently had nothing to do with the performance, leaving the unknown gunman’s motive a mystery.

In and Out and In and . . .
Britney Spears is reported to again be out of rehab a day after admitting herself after . . . actually, by the time you read this, she could be anywhere. Kevin Federline may be making a legal grab for their child before Ms Spears starts playing in traffic with a plucked goose on her head.

Items of Intense Interest:
1. Britney Spears, having recently had her head shaved (and her arm lip-tattooed) after leaving rehab, is once again in rehab.

What she’ll do when she gets out next time is anyone’s guess . . .
2. Scotum, scrotum, scrotum.
3. Here’s the obligatory 4-legged duck.

Some relatively recent stuff from around th’ big blue orb:

1. North Korea agrees to shut down its nuclear weaponry program in 6-nation talks in exchange for aid, release of seized assets and other considerations.

This is a(n) historic event. Seriously; it will appear on modern history tests in a few years. With any luck, its a foot in the door to an eventual opening of the border ‘twixt the two Koreas. The link above, incidentally, leads to the agreement’s text on korea.net.

2. Salmonella! It’s not just for spinach, tomatoes and green onions any more. This week, we discovered that cantaloupes and peanut butter can make you sick, too.

Well, sir — I remember a time when you could eat food and not have liquid subsequently hurl itself from orifices upper and lower. We digested our food . . . and we liked it.

Not yet 40, Anna Nicole Smith died today. There are few facts currently known about the cause of death, but People has plenty of reading for you, if you’re interested . . .

In what may well be the dumbest thing I’ve heard since “the Internets,” the CIA yesterday warned American defense workers that Canadian coinage had been compromised with transmitters.

‘Course, all our shoes have telephones in ‘em, too. Isn’t that right, 96?

Why anyone would stick a transmitter in something that circulates with the speed of currency escapes logic; transmitting RFID would be more sensible placed into any of several other items; watch 1998’s Enemy of the State for some mundane (but actually conceivable) alternatives.