When I first noted these this morning, the spellings were as they appear here.  I imagine they are probably spelled correctly by now:

Emergency workers gague 9/11 health toll

Fires flare up at Denver shoooting site

 . . .

I worked at a magazine publishing company back when I had more hair. 

When the galleys came back from the press, there was a typo on the magazine’s cover.

Bill, the editor, added a ‘find the typo on our cover’ cut-in to the masthead.

Strangely, few people found it.  Part of the magazine’s title was ‘Today’ . . . but the typesetter had typed ‘Toady’ on the Compugraphic, instead . . . in 72-point type.

 . . .

“If you think I’m going to reset that entire page, you’re %^&*UIOing nuts!”
    — Etaoin Shrdlu, Hot Type in the City
 . . .

In the 1990s, a certain Guelph newspaper had myriad misspellings and grammatical gaffes throughout.  A telemarketer trying to sell subscriptions asked why I was wholly disinterested in the convenience of its daily delivery.
    “It’s full of spelling mistakes.”
    “Mmf,” she sniffed.  “We can’t all be perfect, now, can we?”
Well, no.  None of us can, actually.  But those of us who claim to support literacy should at least consider proofreading before publishing.

I couldn’t understand it; Guelph is a university city, laden with impoverished students (not a few of whom are English majors) who’ll work for minimum wage . . . especially at a newspaper.

It’s been over a decade since I last saw a copy of the paper in question.  No doubt — with eleven years of ensuing technological advances — the product has improved significantly.

It’s one thing to be cheap, it’s another to be flat-out broke. One thing you discover after playing on-line for cash is that playing for funny-money just doesn’t do it for you, any more.

But what if you haven’t any cash at all?

Fortunately, most poker rooms have freerolls, but — as I mentioned earler — those often tend to be complete madhouses (PartyPoker’s eight-thousand-plus-participant freerolls noticeably drag down performance on their end).

Poker.com provides an interesting alternative, wherein if you can beat 19 others, you’ll win a dollar. No big deal, certainly, but enough to set you up for their weekly Turbo Ten Cent Tournament (with rebuys, should you wipe out early).

But there’s a catch: You don’t face the 19 all at once, but rather in three steps.

‘Buy-ins’ to this are obtained with $100 funny-money, of which you’re suitably equipped. If you’ve blown it all, you can reload up to $500, daily. This funny-money buy-in gets you an entry coupon to the tournament.

When you have beaten the other five participants, you win an entry to the second step . . . and five other players who also obtained a FUNSTEP2 coupon.

When you beat them, there are nine others left — nine participants who, like you, beat two tables of players to get to FUNSTEP3. The winner of FUNSTEP3 gets one American dollar awarded to their account.

Easy money? Not necessarily. If you’re one of the losing players at any of FUNSTEP1, -2 or -3, you have to start again at FUNSTEP1 and repeat your wins. Again. And, most likely, yet again. It may be the hardest dollar you ever win, but you will find it does wonders in honing your poker skills.

As you likely suspected, those drivers screaming at their windshields have issues.  The DSM-IV calls this Intermittant Explosive Disorder, and — if you extrapolate the figures in the linked study at the Archives of General Psychiatry, there are a lot of folks making those funny faces.

But the headcase who wants you dead because he failed to pass you on the right most likely has nothing on June’s winner of the ‘Mensch of the Month’ award, Mr Alofa Time of Boise, Idaho.  Mr Time allegedly murdered his ex-wife, detached her head, plunked it into the back of his pickup, then went for a drive.

And they say cell phones distract drivers.

The head was subsequently thrown from his pickup when the 51-year-old drove head-on into an oncoming car, killing the driver and her 4-year-old daughter, and injuring (and orphaning) another daughter.

 . . .

Someone, somewhere, came up with a ringtone adults can’t hear.  I, for one, applaud this, but would like the phenomenon extended.  Re-record all rap (from, say, the early ’90s on), hip-hop and boy-band “music” into those higher pitches and replace soundtracks in movies and advertising, and playlists of the same genre on radio.

Those of us who’ve suffered through two decades of ballcaps and bad music will thank you.

 . . .

Typically, there are three ways to make money at on-line poker.

1. Win a freeroll.

2. Play the tables.

3. Play the tournaments and sit-and-gos

I don’t recommend #2; it’s an excellent way to lose money until you’re very familiar with on-line play.

Freerolls

If you have no money, freerolls are typically the way to go. Freerolls are basically free-for-alls with ten or twenty participants finishing up ‘in the money.’ This sounds great, but some on-line poker sites permit well over 8,000 people gunning for the same winnings.

Depending on the freeroll type, your winnings may not be remarkable, but there are benefits: you won money without paying anything; you experienced several different types of player and playing strategy; and you actually beat x - 19 (to x - 1) people whose hold on their chips ended before yours.

Winning (or ending up in the money) a freeroll is no small victory; some players disdain freeroll winners, but you’ve beaten some heavy odds if you’ve succeeded where so many have failed. Poker.com recognizes this by awarding its freeroll champions with ‘Accolades’ — graphic ribbons, trophies &c — in addition to cash. The Accolades are a form of recognition, but may serve other purposes as well; I’ve never finished first in a freeroll, but find I get some satisfaction in taking someone out in a tournament who has.

Maybe it’s just me.

Tournaments

Entering two or more concommitent tournaments — for me, anyway — is unwise; playing simultaneous Hold ‘em and Omaha tourneys is suicide. There exist people who can knit and waterski at the same time, too. I don’t know how they do it. But individual tournaments, of either ilk, are generally manageable for the likes of me. And, as the people at the tables I play at will tell you, I’m by no means a professional.

But I have been making money.

You can, too.

Real money play doesn’t have to break the bank; Cake Poker (use bonus code EATITTOO . . . you’ll see why) has Sit ‘n Go’s for a dollar. 10 players, three of whom finish ‘in the money.’

After winning (or coming in second or third) a few times, you’ll likely be champing at the bit for the bigger pots. Just remember; never — ever — play with more than you can afford to lose. Every winning streak comes to an unpleasant end . . . and note that luck plays a significant role in both on-line and actual poker.

I’ve seen too, too many Ace-Ace hands lose to believe otherwise.

Gunmen shoot dead Iraqi motorists

The crime is both unconscionable and yet another horror the Iraqi people are enduring after being introduced to the merits of democracy . . .

. . . but there’s something wrong with that headline.